Saturday, December 13

You Know You're Italian When...

Are you unsure of your Italian-ness? Have you been living among medagons so long that you think you may have lost your identity? Well here is a "simple" check list to prove that you are Italian.

You know you are Italian if, during your childhood, at least 30 of these things ocurred:

1.You called pasta "macaroni."

2.You spent your entire childhood thinking what you ate for lunch was pronounced "sangwich."

3.Your family dog understood Italian.

4.Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents and extended family.

5.You've experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into 50 square feet of yard during a family cookout.

6.You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven.

7.You thought the pig each year and having salami, capacollo, pancetta and prosciutto hanging out to dry from your shed ceiling was absolutely normal.

8.You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every Sunday.

9.You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and that the price of everything was negotiable through haggling.

10.You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.

11.You thought everyone's last name ended in a vowel.

12.You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles.

13.Your Mom's main hobby is cleaning.

14.You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores.

15.You thought that everyone made their own bottled tomato sauce.

16.You never knew what to expect when you opened the margarine, after all you thought washing out and reusing margarine containers was normal.

17.You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any Friday for that matter.

18.You ate your salad after the main course.

19.You thought Catholic was the only religion in the world.

20.Your were beaten at least once with a wooden spoon or broom.

21.You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your left hand.

22.Your grandmother never threw anything away, you thought seeing washed plastic bags hanging on the clothes line was normal.

23. You dreaded taking out your lunch at school, you would pray that you didn't have melanzane again.

24.You can understand Italian but you can't speak it.

25.You have at least one relative who came over on the boat.

26.All of your uncles fought in a World War.

27.You have at least six male relatives named Tony, Frank, Joe or Louie.

28.You have relatives who aren't really your relatives.

29.You have relatives you don't speak to.

30.You drank wine before you were a teenager.

31.You relate on some level, admit it, to the Godfather and the Sopranos.

32.You grew up in a house with a yard that didn't have one patch of dirt that didn't have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it.

33.Your grandparent's furniture was as comfortable as sitting on plastic. Wait!!!! You were sitting on plastic!

34.You thought that talking loud was normal.

35.You thought sugared almonds and the Tarantella were common at all weddings.

36.You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and money stuffed in their pockets by their relatives.

37.Your mother is overly protective of the males in the family no matter what their age.

38.There was a crucifix in every room of the house, including the cellar.

39.Boys didn't do house work because it was women's work.

40.You couldn't date a boy without getting approval from your father. (Oh, and he had to be Italian)

41. February 14th is VALENTIMES Day

42.Your Christmas tree was silver.

43.You have at least one irrational fear or phobia that can be attributed to your mother.

44.Every condition, ailment, misfortune, memory loss and was attributed to the fact that you didn't eat something.


jimmyd said...

Funny as hell!

-Guy in Calfornia who grew up italian in jersey.

Carol Ohler said...

Yep, that's how it was growing up in my Italian family.

Adriana said...

thaats waaaaaaaaaaaaay true

Unknown said...

That was my life!!!!!!

Symplicity said...

Funny as hell

Unknown said...

so true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that was my life!

Unknown said...

that was my life entirely!!

Katie said...

I'm not even Italian, but about 70% of my town is, so it sorta rubbed off on the rest of us. We consider ourselves "Italian by association."

Kayla said...

Story of my life. XD

Kayla said...

Story of my life. XD

The Journey Throughout My Braces said...

That's weird how they described my family PERFECTLY !!! It's like they stalk me . Me and my family are TRUE Italians . So if your Italian be proud , we have pretty awesome lives !!

Unknown said...

soooo true,just what happnd for me ,
specially the wine thing
i drank when i was 6 years soo true

Unknown said...

Lol so true I did think speaking loudly was totally normal :)

moose said...


Unknown said...

absolutely hysterical and true!!! Proud to be Italian!

Unknown said...

I was like yeah, yeah, these are all pretty obvious... but the wooden spoon thing is uncanny... what is up with that?!

Unknown said...

If your are luck to be Italian than you are4 lucky enough. Remember going to Italian weddings and your Mother and Nonna telling you and your sister or brother to go table and take the cookies. I had to that. At an Italian wedding and Communion party there are more flowered dresses than anyone could imagine. I'm 100% Italian and I'm damn proud of it.

Unknown said...

My whole life wrapped up into one long funny but true llist-proud Italian -

Sigi Me said...

Awesome but a little crazyyyy!

Sigi Me said...

My grandmother broke so many on our asses!

Anonymous said...

Italy is a country composed of many cultural groups, everything on this list is about southern Italians (including Sicilians, that are part of southern Italy).
I'm from northern Italy and I don't recognize myself in anything from this list, nor my family, friends, yet I'm well aware I am an Italian.
We northern Italians aren't loud and talk with hands less than our southerners. Furthermore, our local languages are mixed with French and we know how to pronounce English, we'd never say things as ''I ama'', data (instead of that), etc.
Italians in Italy don't call pasta macaroni. We know there are a lot of kind of pasta, and MACCHERONI is one of them.

sanyago said...

Most of what I read is very true I lived in a Italian neighborhood in 25th & 10th from 1952-55 NYC. Later from 1957-64 in Middleton & Union Ave. we got along very well.